Bangers and mashed

Or How I learned to stop worrying and love the Bang

Jan 20
I woke early but my attempts to actually get up were hindered by the fact I was too tired to move. Jetlag's hit. Brilliant. I read a bit (well, a lot) of my book. I'm reading Northern Lights by Phillip Pullman which is really good - extremely well-written and imaginative and far more violent and philosophical than a children's book has any right to be. I'm not complaining though, it will make an excellent film when that comes out this year and Nicole Kidman has been perfectly cast as a really nasty piece of work called Mrs Coulter.

But I digress.

After finally dragging myself out of bed and checking out, I moved to the D&D Inn on Khao San Road.

Now Khao San is the mecca for travellers in Bangkok, but after the plush environs of the hotel Maz had booked me into, the D&D was a bit of a comedown, enhanced by my jetlagged and slightly homesick state. It was basically a bed with a mattress that felt like it was made of concrete (this turned out to be good as it sorted my achy back out), a dressing table that looked like it had been there since the 50s and a bathroom that was basically a wetroom. This was more like it, I thought. Little did I know that the D&D is actually considered a palace in terms of places to stay for travellers, according to my friend Jessy who I would meet up with later. I've got a lot to learn.

I settled in and went to book a train to Phuket, try and get some beach time in before I start work. I decided on a night train, firstly because of never done it before and secondly I figure I'll be paying for the travel and somewhere to sleep for the night in one go. See? I can budget if I try. The lady in the travel agent was scary and not very patient with all my questions. But fuck it, I'd rather seem stupid than end up in bloody Burma or something.

There was no berths available until Monday night but I figured this was okay as it means I get to see Jessy before she heads back to Australia. Jessy is a girl I lived with last year for a few months. She's an Aussie who's basically been away travelling for about six years, all in all. She left London in October to head back to Oz with a quick stop in Thailand on the way. She ended up staying in Thailand for three months, getting her divemaster qualification and, well, partying of course. But now she's on her way home, and arrived on the 20th to catch her flight on the 23rd. But I had no idea when she was getting into Bangkok so I decided to get on with entertaining myself.

I hung out on Khao San Road a bit, trying to get a feel for the place. It just seemed to be full of middle class hippyish types and insistent tuk-tuk drivers who wanted to take me on a tour of the city for 10 baht. There's got to be a catch to that one, I thought. I had some food while I waited for my train ticket to be prepared and looked at my 'Groovy Map' which Tom gave me. It's quite good in that it points out various things you might want to see, bars you may want to go and things you may want to do. I decided to head down to Siam Square and catch a film.

After picking up my ticket I set off on what turned out to be an epic walk - it didn't look far on the map. Various signs made me realise the year is 2550 here in Thailand which basically means I'm in the future, right? Well I've seen the future and it smells - a kind of spicy/damp/petrolly smell that likes to hit the back of your throat when you least expect it. I must admit it's better than the tramps in Victoria. However. I sat on a bench after about five minutes to take some pictures of the Democracy Monument.

God, I was spaced. I stared vacantly at everyone walking past before deciding maybe I should get a move on. Coping with jetlag on your own is like being on a comedown - ie not entirely pro-active.

I came across the Golden Mount, a religious spot where lots of orange-clad monks like to hang out. It is, I suppose, a Thai version of a church and graveyard. There's lots of graves around the base in amongst all the trees and each one has a creepy-looking photo of the deceased above the Thai lettering which, I assume, tells you who the person was and when they lived.

I read the information sign and my guidebook to work out what the hell I was about to see and it seems it was just built it cos the ground was a bit dodgy here and they couldn't build anything else. I walked up lots of steps, getting increasingly better views of the city.

There were some nice bells I took a picture of. (See? Spaced.)

Then took my shoes off to go into the church-type place (temple?) itself. It was a bit dull. There was some religious relic in the middle that the King had put there (seemingly) as a reason for the existence of the building. I reckon it was an unwanted wedding present.

There were lots of Buddhas around. You can never have too many it seems.

Then I went back outside and sat there for a bit, taking pics.

Then I decided to get back on my way to the city centre. I took a picture of a market as it seemed very Bangkokian. My imagination really wasn't up to much, I'm afraid.

Eventually, after turning down a number of taxi and tuk-tuk drivers (none of them seemed to understand I wanted to walk), and sweating like Jade Goody in a curry house, I got to Siam Square. Christ it was hectic.

It's basically the shopping centre of Bangkok - three big malls and Siam Square itself which is so colourful it's like something out of a cartoon - and it was full of locals, mainly teenagers and families. Imagine a sleeker, bigger Oxford Street on lots of different levels; how it might look in, well, 2550.

I wondered around a bit, like a zombie, before checking out what was on at the cinema. Blood Mountain was the only thing of interest but I wasn't sure I could cope with anything that required thought process in my current mental state, and Night At The Museum wasn't on til half 10. So I gave up and decided to go back to Khao San.

I got a cab, got it for free cos all I had was a 1000 baht note and the driver had no change (ace!), went to my room and passed out. I woke up at nine, persuaded myself to go and get some food, even though the thought of a hectic Khao San Road seemed a bit too much. I really fancied a burger, something Western, something to make me feel more at home.

I was in the middle of thinking, 'Well actually do I really need any food? Maybe I should just sleep?', when Jessy called. She was here. And she'd picked up some hot Swedish guy at the airport. A mate and a man to go with my meal. Now going out seemed like a much better idea.

Jessy looked well, very tanned and healthy. I felt and looked like an anaemic snowman next to her. Frederik was the same as her, but I was so enraptured by what he looked like I totally forgot what I looked like, that I even existed. He wore a baseball cap with it slightly titled to one side. His brown hair underneath was longish but looked perfect. I expect he'd not even bloody touched it for weeks, the bastard. He's just one of those people who's effortlessly good-looking, who can pull a funny face, yawn, grimace, stand on his head and STILL be good-looking. He looked like a tennis player I can't remember the name of but slightly prettier. He was slim, but muscley.

Can you tell I spent most of the evening looking at him a lot?

He had a tattoo underneath one bicep - some Thai lettering he wouldn't tell me the meaning of. He said it used to mean something but now it doesn't. I understood, I have a similar tattoo. I asked him if Thai people understood what it said. He said yes, and that they gave him a funny look every time.

I have no photos of him, unfortunately, as my camera was charging. But I'm hoping that all my friends do this when we meet up from now on - bring along eye candy for us to look at while we catch up. Jessy saw him in the queue for the taxis at the airport, figured him for a Khao San Road type and asked if he wanted to share a cab.

He was a nice lad, if a little difficult to understand at times. When he spoke he slurred each English word, punctuating it with an 'aaaah' as he searched his brain for the next one. What became abundantly clear though, as we sat talking to him in the bars of Khao San, was that the seven weeks he'd been travelling around southeast Asia had been spent partying. He told us he'd planned to do a week in each place he wanted to visit but basically each time he'd found people to party with and just stayed, staying up all night and sleeping all day. And he still had a tan. Bastard!

A story he told us about doing ketamine in a bar in Malaysia merely hinted at his drug intake, as did his obvious fatigue. It was what he did when he was with us that really confirmed it. He was having trouble keeping his tiredness from overwhelming him so Jessy suggested he take some Sudafed to wake him up a bit. He went off to the chemist, and came back saying the woman wouldn't give him anything when he asked for something to keep him awake. No shit. Jessy went off for him and he was impressed when she came back with some Sudafed, explaining that she'd said she had a cold, no one's going to give you anything if you say you want stuff to keep you awake. He popped four of them without blinking. We shook our heads in amazement.

Inbetween all this I catch up with Jessy. It sounds like she's had a blast - becoming a divemaster and enduring the drinking rituals that go with that; having some adventures with Paul, our other housemate who was here for five weeks over Christmas. But they're her stories to tell, not mine.

The drugs made no difference to Frederik. He was yawning his face off and, while I was feeling a little more awake, Jessy was flagging as well. We headed to bed.

Jan 21

At breakfast Jessy was talking to another hot Swedish guy. She's a good friend to have around, eh? This one was more sterotypically Swedish - blond hair, blue eyes - and he was huge. He looked a bit like He-Man but with cropped hair, and was eating enough eggs to feed a whale shark. He told us he was having a house built here. Thailand is, apparently, to Swedes what Spain is to the Brits, and he plans to spend half his year here and the other half in Sweden. He must be loaded.

Jessy and I get a cab to Chatuchak market, which is in the north of the city. We tried to get a bus but couldn't work out how to for the life of us. The market was 95% locals, which was a relief after the Majorca-style hell of Khao San. There's more clothes stalls there than you can shake a coat-hanger at and I saw some nice smart gear that I can pick up closer to the time I start work. For now I bought some shorts (I keep spilling food on the phone pair I had, which wasn't attractive) and a cool Charlie Chaplin t-shirt, both for about two pounds. Amazing.

We also had coconut milk, still in the coconut and drunk through a straw. It felt like the best thing I had ever tasted, and, according to Jessy, is good for a hangover as it's more hydrating than water. Despite this the heat inside the market still got to me after a while and I started to feel sick. Some food sorted me out - pork and rice with a spicy fish sauce.

We had a bit more of a wonder round. There's everything you can think of there and, while the smells still throw me, I start to feel more at ease with being here now I'm getting to know Bangkok.

When Jessy had bought some presents for home (as well as some presents for herself) we headed down to Siam Square, booked some VIP tickets for Blood Diamond and then hit the shops. Jessy wanted to get some hair extensions before she went home and so we scouted hairdressers for an appointment. We eventually found a place that told her it will only take a couple hours so Jessy decided to get them done befroe the film.

I decided to go find a massage - my jetlag was up and down but always there so I thought that might make me feel better. I ended up just hanging out, wandering around. I hung out outside a 7 Eleven for a while, watching the world go by and took a picture of a telephone box. (I was feeling a bit vacant again now I had no company.)

But I was feeling a bit happier. I knew where I was. I knew where I was in relation to other places. I knew how to get back to where I was staying. This made me feel more settled. I scouted the shops for a bit, picking up a Batman t-shirt (I still have no idea what happened to the last one I had) for about two quid. I read Empire magazine in a bookstore, which got me excited about the film I was about to see.

Then I headed back to the hairdressers where Jessy's extensions were taking ages thanks to them not being able to get the colour right. I was fading as I sat waiting. Jessy told me to put tiger balm on my forehead to wake me up. It hurt. But it woke me up. To make it to the film Jessy had to leave without her extensions being cut and styled. She looked like a glamorous hippy from the 70s.

We got to the cinema and found that the champagne and nibbles we were expecting with our VIP ticket (as Jessy had in Australia) was actually fizzy pop and a biscuit here in Thailand. Ah well. We still got to sit in reclining armchairs. But not before we had to stand up for the national anthem. I'd been so looking forward to it actually happening that I couldn't stop grinning and thought I might get chucked out for not taking it seriously. I didn't though. Blood Diamond is amazing. Although I did wonder **SPOILER ALERT**

why it is Leo DiCaprio seems to die in every film he does. Perhaps he has it written into his contract as he's a snobby actor who won't ever do a sequel.

**SPOILER ENDED** I also spent the entire film trying to work out if his South African accent was good or bad. Jessy thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard and spent the first five minutes of the film giggling her head off. But flippant comments aside, it's an amazing film that educates you about world (well, African) politics and business, has frighteningly casual violence made all the more gut-wrenching cos you know this shit actually happens and there's no discernible 'goodies' or 'baddies' in the film, and is amazingly well-acted, all wrapped up in what is ostensibly an accessible action film plotline. I loved it, go see it.

Jessy and me came out the cinema feeling guilty that we don't do more to help the world and the people that are suffering in it and she told me she's never considered buying a diamond because of the decidedly dodgy business that goes on behind sourcing and selling them. I start to wonder how much other stuff we buy has such a dodgy history as some of the diamonds on sale and it starts to get me a bit paranoid. Anyone know of anything I shouldn't be buying for moral reasons?

Jessy asked me if I'd like to do the kind of journalism the Jennifer Connelly character does in the film.I said yes, but I don't think I'm really built for it. You have to be tenacious, quick-thinking and good at confrontation to get the real facts behind those stories. I am none of the above. I told her what I do (did) is easy in comparison, it's a game. You learn the rules, play the game, bend the rules on occassion, but really it's all unimportant and meaningless and everyone involved knows it. I realised I'm not missing it at all. At the moment anyway. Maybe I'll have an overwhelming urge to interview Harold from Neighbours when I get to Australia. We'll see.

We tried to get the bus home but, again, we couldn't work it out. I vowed to work it out and use the bus regularly before I leave. Khao San brought a falafel meal and another friend of Jessy's just arrived in Thailand. It's the place to be it seems. But I'd had enough and, as they headed out, I headed to bed.