But then I figure it’s not me, I’m just finding lots of grumpy people, and go on my merry way. On On Hotel is easy to find and they have a room available. It’s 230 baht a night, which is something like 3 pounds 50. Amazing. But this also worries me a bit. I needn’t though, the room is fine, and looks much nicer than the one Leo had in The Beach. If you look at my pic you may recognize the slats at the top of the wall that Leo’s character talked to Robert Carlyle’s through.
The bathroom has what is basically a hole in the floor for a toilet (over which, yes, I crouched to have a poo, or at least tried to inbetween laughing) and you shower standing by the sink – there’s a drain in the corner of the floor where all the soapy water goes.
There are mini-ants on the table but nothing to worry about. I’m happy, this is all right, this is travelling.
I go and get some lunch at a café down the road. I have a pork curry with pineapple and cucumber, which is much better than it sounds. I read my guidebook and decide to go to Kho Phi Phi for my beach time. There I can see what’s left after the tsunami and there’s a beach on the Western side of the island called Hat Ranti, which sounds, nice – peaceful and secluded.
A nice man – in his 60s, looks like a kindly English teacher or something – gives me an English language Thai paper to read. I read about the Thai government questioning the chief of police’s investigation into the bombs that went off in Bangkok on New Year’s Eve. He is, apparently, a former supporter of Thaksin Shinawatra, the prime minister who was ousted in a military coup last September, and has arrested a group of men who were accused of attempting to assassinate Thaksin for the bombings. It all sounds very dodgy and I figure, if this is all going on, and what the government says about the police chief is true, no one is actually on the tails of the people who really did bomb Bangkok and they’re getting away with it and might do it again. Which isn’t good.
I read about Hillary Clinton attempting to become the Democrat’s candidate for the Presidency in 2008. There is also a black candidate, Barack Obama, and a Hispanic candidate, Bill Richardson, joining the race to become President and I wonder how different a world we might live in if any of these people get into office.
Then I read about the Oscars, apparently there are a fair few older actresses up for Best Actress. For the first time in living memory this showbiz article interests me less than the world event ones.
I wander round Phuket Town for a bit, get to know the streets well enough to give a lady directions later on. There’s not much to do here so I decide to go to the cinema. There’s nothing on except this bloody Thai film that’s on everywhere called The Legend of King Naresuan. It’s about some dude who ruled Siam (the old name for Thailand) from 1590 to 1605, and might be good but I don’t know if they have English subtitles and I’m a bit too spaced to go and find out. I read earlier that the film is the most expensive Thai film ever made, and the biggest box office success they’ve ever had. No wonder, if that’s all they’re showing anywhere.
They also have Night At The Museum on, which again is on at 10pm. Perhaps they think it’s called Night At The Cinema?? I walked past a pizza joint on the way and decide to go and check it out. It’s a mistake. Not only are the onion rings I order the size of donuts, the pizza itself is too stodgy. Already my palette is becoming accustomed to healthier food. I keep half of it, thinking I might fancy it later.
I head back to the hostel and decide to do something controversial – STAY IN and read my grammar book. How adventurous am I?? I start reading my grammar book and immediately, inevitably, fall asleep. It’s only about half eight.
I’m woken by a rustling sound. I see something scuttle across the wall behind the chair opposite my bed. I look at my phone; it’s 10pm. Something runs from under the chair to under my bed. I immediately think, cockroach.
Now, as some of you may know, I’m not a big fan of insects. The combination of me being a bit of a hairy lad with me being unnaturally ticklish makes having an insect on any part of my body an excruciating experience, to say the least. I can feel every bloody step they take and it’s agonising.
And also, I don’t get them. What are they for? What do they bring to the world apart from being annoying to ALL other animals who go about our merry way, eating each other occasionally, but mostly letting each other get on with things. Insects don’t respect this; they have no respect at all. They come into your home, come into your bed, and generally walk all over you without any care for how you might feel about that. They even sometimes give you diseases you didn’t ask for, which isn’t polite. And on top of all that, they’re sneaky. Take the stick insect for example, which, as we all know, camouflages itself as a twig. Why? What’s that about? What’s it got to hide? And they look funny... I could go on and on…
So given all this, I’m not happy about a cockroach (the kingpin of insect criminal masterminds) being in my room. I grab my torch and step gingerly off the bed on to the floor. I turn the room’s light on but I can’t see very far under the bed. I turn on the torch and crouch down. The beam only reaches halfway under. I slowly lower one knee, fully aware this will slow my retreat in the event of an attack. The torch lights up the whole floor underneath my bed. There’s nothing there.
Then the light catches something shiny. I swing the beam round to the far corner. Something flashes in the light. Two round circular things glint and stare back at me. I stare harder. What on earth….? Then I realise. It’s a child’s plastic hair band. I sigh and stand up.
I sit on the bed and pick up the grammar book, hoping it will get me back to sleep. A sentence gets past my eyes before I hear another noise. I look up. A tiny mouse is sat on my table. He turns and looks at me and dashes off. I’m so relieved. Mammals I can handle. Another one pegs it into the bathroom. Then I realise why him and his friends are running around – they can smell the pizza. I cover it as much as I can then go and get a beer. This time the pizza goes down better, but I resolve not to buy another one until I have an absolute craving.
A gecko runs up the wall as I eat. Amphibians I don’t mind either, particularly geckos as they eat insects and don’t walk on your bed and are therefore my friends, so I’m happy this one is with me in the room. I eventually get off to sleep and have the best night’s sleep I’ve had yet. No deranged Glaswegians muttering about secret islands wake me up, although there is a man in the next room with a bit of a cough. That wouldn’t have made much of a film, would it?
I have a brunch of chicken and vegetable fried rice. It’s amazing. I go back to the travel agent at On On and get a ticket to Phi Phi. While I wait for the minibus to the harbour a dark-haired guy with a Henry V haircut comes over and asks for a light. I rummage around in my rucksack but can’t find it. He gets one from someone else but comes back to talk to me. He’s just got here and I tell him there’s not much to do. He’s staring at me quite hard and, slightly uncomfortably, I realise he’s checking me out.
We talk a bit. He’s Israeli and has just been travelling in India; he thought he’d try Thailand a bit before he went home. He loved India and raves about it, but it still doesn’t appeal much to me, at least for now. He tells me he started to take for granted how well Indians speak English in comparison to Thais. In India, he says, there’s the older generation who speak English well from being under British rule, the younger generation who speak it well from tourism and Western media, and there’s a whole generation in-between who don’t speak it well at all.
Our conversation is interrupted by the minibus arriving and I bid him farewell. I’m finally heading for a beach!
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